===================================================================
RECENT HUMOROUS ITEMS USED IN CLASS
=================================================================== 
~~~~FIVE SURGEONS~~~~
>>
>>* Five surgeons are discussing who the best patients are to operate on.
>>
>>* The first surgeon said, "I like to see accountants on my operating
>>table, because when you open them up, everything inside them is
>>numbered."
>>
>>* The second responded, "You should try electricians! Everything inside
>>them is color coded."
>>
>>* The third surgeon said, "I really think librarians are the best;
>>everything inside them is in alphabetical order."
>>
>>* The fourth surgeon chimed in, "You know, I like construction
>>workers...they always understand when you have a few parts left over at
>>the end, and when the job takes longer than you said it would."
>>
>>* But the fifth surgeon shut them all up with this observation, "You're
>>all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts,
>>no heart, no spine and the head and butt are interchangeable."
>>

===================================================================
===================================================================
Subject:  Dilbert Salary Theorem

Dilbert's "Salary Theorem"

Dilbert's "Salary Theorem" states that "Engineers and scientists can
never earn as much as business executives and sales people." This
theorem can now be supported by a mathematical equation based on the
following two postulates:

Postulate 1: Knowledge is Power.

Postulate 2: Time is Money.

As every engineer knows: Power = Work / Time

Since:
Knowledge = Power
         and
 Time = Money

We know that
Knowledge = Work/Money.

Solving for Money, we get:
Money = Work / Knowledge.

Thus, as Knowledge approaches zero, Money approaches infinity,
regardless of the amount of work done.

Conclusion: The less you know, the more you make.

===================================================================
===================================================================

>>WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD? .......
>>
>>>       Pat Buchanan:
>>>       To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.
>>>       --------------------------------------------
>>>       Colonel Sanders:
>>>       I missed one?
>>>  ---------------------------------------------
>>>       L.A. Police Department:
>>>       Give us five minutes with the chicken and
>>>       we'll find out.
>>>       ---------------------------------------------
>>>       Richard M. Nixon:
>>>       The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat,
>>>       the chicken did not cross the road. I don't know
>>>       any chickens. I have never known any chickens.
>>>      ---------------------------------------------
>>>       Dr. Seuss:
>>>       Did the chicken cross the road?
>>>       Did he cross it with a toad?
>>>       Yes! The chicken crossed the road,
>>>       but why it crossed, I've not been told!
>>>       ---------------------------------------------
>>>       Ernest Hemingway:
>>>       To die. In the rain.
>>>       ---------------------------------------------
>>>       Martin Luther King, Jr.:
>>>       I envision a world where all chickens will be
>>>       free to cross roads without having their motives
>>>       called into question.
>>>       ---------------------------------------------
>>>       Grandpa:
>>>       In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken  crossed
>>>       the road. Someone told us that the chicken
>>>       crossed the road, and that was good enough for  us.
>>>        ---------------------------------------------
>>>       Karl Marx:
>>>       It was an historical inevitability.
>>>       ---------------------------------------------
>>>       Saddam Hussein:
>>>       This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we
>>>       were  quite justified in dropping 50 tons of
>>>       nerve gas on it.
>>>        ---------------------------------------------
>>>       Fox Mulder:
>>>       You saw it cross the road with your own eyes.
>>>       How many more chickens have to cross before you
>>>       believe it?
>>>>       ---------------------------------------------
>>>       Bill Gates:
>>>       I have just released Chicken Coop 98, which
>>>       will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file
>>>       your important documents, and balance your
>>>       checkbook  - and Explorer is an inextricable
>>>       part of  the operating system.
>>>        ---------------------------------------------
>>>       Bill Clinton:
>>>       I did not cross the road with THAT chicken.